Clashes over clutter are a source of enormous stress in relationships. Whether the culprit is your spouse, child, teen, roommate, parent, coworker, or boss, the only thing more frustrating than not being able to clear your own clutter is living or working with a disorganized person. The refusal of someone you live or work with to clean up, clear out, or cooperate as you try to improve the state of your home or office is absolutely maddening.

 

The worst of it is what appears to be the other person’s utter lack of consideration. No matter how many times you tell them the mess upsets you, they don’t do anything to change. You can’t help but wonder don’t they have any respect for your needs? Don’t they care about you?

 

What can you do about it? How can you motivate others to change their burdensome ways? How do you navigate a relationship with someone who has a different threshold for chaos than you do?

 

Before you go tearing your hair out—or theirs—keep the following two realities in mind:

 

1)      You can’t motivate someone else to get organized. I hate to break it to you, but just as with losing weight or quitting smoking, you will never succeed in motivating someone else to get organized. People only change when there is some internal, personal goal driving them. Organizing is too tough a journey to take just to please someone else (no matter how much they care about you). Nagging doesn’t help. In fact, the more you yell, lecture, threaten, tempt, cajole, and beg, the more closed off, defensive, and resistant to change the person is likely to become.

It seems counterintuitive, but by taking yourself out and your own frustrations out of the picture, you are in a much stronger position to facilitate change.

 

The secret to breakthrough is to tap into the person’s own motivation, which you can usually do by asking one simple question: What is the clutter costing them. 

 

2)      Their mess is not an expression of disrespect. As inconsiderate as their behavior may feel, the truth is, other people’s clutter usually has nothing to do with us. The clutter is their own issue, driven by their own needs, vantage points, and perceptions. It helps to consider what their points of view might be. The first possibility is they don’t see the mess, either because they are not as visual as you, or because they’re simply focused on other things. The second option is that the chaos serves a psychological function. And lastly, perhaps this person is not disorganized, but differently organized. In other words, there is a method behind the madness that works for him or her though its logic may escape you.   

 

Regardless of what is causing the clutter, the bottom line is still that their chaotic ways drive you crazy. So, what do you do about it? Can you help someone else get organized? Yes, you can—if you take the right approach.

 

Two things keep people from letting others help them get organized: a fear of judgment and a fear that they’ll be forced to throw things away. If someone you know—a child, spouse, friend, parent, or coworker—has invited you to help him or her get organized, consider it an honor and proceed with care. Letting you into his or her mess takes courage and trust.

 

Helping someone get organized offers a means by which the two of you can build a relationship or strengthen an already existing one. Let’s face it—tackling those piles can be a lonely, tedious journey. If you are able to offer positive, nurturing companionship along the way, your boss, spouse, child, parent, or friend may be grateful forever.

 

Before you go in to help, tune into how they may be feeling by putting yourself in their place. Organizing requires setting priorities and making tough decisions, which can be anxiety provoking. Going into someone else’s mess with them requires patience, understanding, and a sense of adventure.

 

Helping someone become organized is a skill that can be taught. If you’d like to learn more about becoming a Professional Organizer or enriching your Organizing business, click here.