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Jocelyn has been late her whole life. As a kid, she never got to school on time, even though John Jay Elementary was just down the block.  Now 56, married, with two grown children and a successful career, she is still late for work every day.  Jocelyn fills every moment with activity—going to the gym 6 times per week,  listening to books on tape as she drives, lunching with friends, attending dinner parties, scurrying to business meetings, weekend brunches, movies and museums. She’s late for them all. 

Friends tell her she has no sense of how long things take. She’s tried to be more conscious of it, to be more sensitive, making a big effort to give herself extra time. But she always gets caught up in this feeling that I've get to fit one more thing in. 

             Lateness is an emotionally charged issue. What’s fascinating is how people on both sides of the issue have so little understanding of the other person’s experience.  These are parallel universes that refuse to intersect, with lots of misinterpretations and paranoid thinking on every side.
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Comments
Comment posted on 10/11/2010 at 02:09 pm
Bring consistently late, without notification, is about being consistently passive-aggressive. It is not about Time Management. If someone is going to be late, it is their responsibility to pick up their cell phone and call to let the person waiting know that there has been a diruption and what the new projected schedule will be, and to ask whether that is OK, or whether the meeting (or event) has now been canceled. The consistently-late person does not "live in a parallel universe". The consistently-late person is being consistently passive-aggressive, and the infuriated person left waiting for the consistently late person knows it fully well.

Comment posted on 10/11/2010 at 03:42 pm
Great story and article. There are many Jocelyns out there who seem to be oblivious to the effects their lateness creates, and it's nice to see one gal make the effort to change that.

Comment posted on 10/11/2010 at 04:11 pm
While it may be the case that occasionally you will find that someone who is late is passive aggressive, the majority of the people I have encountered in my 21 years of experience are literally in their own "parallel universe," and completely oblivious to time, completely focused on the task at hand. The first commenter is right that it is extremely rude and irresponsible for the consistently late person to not pick up their cell phone, make the courtesy call to notify the person you're meeting, and let them know you're running late. This courtesy call should always be performed. ~Julie Morgenstern

Comment posted on 10/12/2010 at 07:57 am
I am one of those people who is consistently late for everything, (I was even 15 minutes late for my own wedding--my husband thought I had caught cold feet!) and I can tell you it truly DOES NOT come from some strange power play directed towards others. Where I do think chronic lateness may come from is a power play directed at yourself; the desire to control your own world as well as the constant need to fill every hour of the day with as much activity as possible. (with a dash of scattered, unorganized thoughts thrown in for good measure) I have tried everything externally...from setting my clocks ahead to "trick" myself, (my subconscious self always reminds me I've alloted extra time and I find more ways to use that extra 15 min) to asking my husband to please push me harder to get out the door. (turns out, I end up getting annoyed with him for trying to help!) It makes me mad at myself that I never seem to make it on time places and I am sure that it is silently whittling away the part of my self esteem that claims to be a mature, responsible adult. When I work outside the home, I am so deathly afraid of it undermining my great work ethic, I've actually made my self wake up at 3:30/4 am just to ensure I will be ready to roll out the door an hour + earlier than necessary. As you can see, if this was a daily routine, it would surely take its toll on my health as well. Friends and people who know me "understand" my time management challenges, and know I'd never keep them waiting out of disrespect for them or their time, but it still dismays me to think I am receiving their grace for a reputation of guilelessly having my head in the clouds. Lateness is not something the guilty find powerful, in fact, more often it makes one feel incredibly powerLESS. **I set Julie's blog as my homepage some weeks ago with the intention of working on internal organization...it is proving very helpful in many facets & I am appreciative of her passion to improve the lives of others.

Comment posted on 10/13/2010 at 02:23 pm
I would be late all the time if not for this trick: I figure out what time to leave, add a 15 minute buffer and then work hard to be ready to leave by my buffer time. If I arrive early at my destination, I enjoy a few minutes of stress-free downtime which I love.

Comment posted on 10/17/2010 at 09:28 pm
So true , thanks for the info ! I really need to get to bed at a reasonable our so that I can wake up refreshed and to work/ and appointments on time ! KaJuana

Comment posted on 11/10/2010 at 01:28 pm
It sounds a lot to me like Jocelyn has undiagnosed adult AD/HD. It would be worth getting it checked out as her lateness is being caused by constant distractions. Also, one of the characteristics of adults with AD/HD is a poor appreciation of how long things take.

Comment posted on 01/05/2011 at 08:15 pm
This post was an eye opener for me as well. I am a "Jocelyn" myself. I am constantly late for everything and I recognize it as a passive-aggressive trait, but directed against myself, since there often isn't a person waiting at the other end, but I'll miss the start of the movie, or whatever, so it isn't an arrogant thing. It upsets me as much as anyone else. But what I never considered is that I might have some anxiety around being early. I know my kids are HORRIFIED at the thought of turning in a school assignment a day early and I think I have that same reaction to the thought of being early for something. My mind is shrieking, but I don't HAVE to be there UNTIL ___. Definitely something to think about.

Comment posted on 06/02/2012 at 07:08 pm
hairy man is your father

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